Faith · God · grief · Life · Religion · Words

In the quiet

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I sat in that cold, bare room waiting for answers. I sought out comfort as I looked around but all that I saw were pale yellow walls and old magazine covers. No cheery pictures hung to lift my spirits. No pretty decorations adorned the counters. Just a burgundy colored chair, a metal sink and the doctors tattered stool. In the silence I sat and waited. 

I could feel my heart beating against my ribs as I anticipated that knock at the door. That sound that would either signal the beginning of a difficult journey or a relief of sorts.

I prayed to God that he would be present with me in this scary moment because I felt so alone and lost. I asked him to give me strength and hope. I wanted so badly for my life to stay the same so that I could go home and start living the way that He intended me to. I made promises to myself and asked him for more chances. 

My hands clasped together I looked down at the white, marred floor, my brown boots dangling just above them, and bowed my head uncertain of everything, except for the fact that He is here, unseen and unheard but felt. He is always here, especially in dark moments like this, when He is needed the most.  

In the quiet I sit, prayer my only relief.

After what seems like hours, the knock sounds and the door is quickly opened to the doctor’s smiling face and I exhale that sharp force of breathe that I’d been holding because I somehow know that I’m going to be okay….no matter what. I’m going to be okay.

Beauty · Faith · God · grief · Happiness · Life · loss · love · Marriage · Parenting · Relationships · Religion · Words

Stop waiting before it’s too late.

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Waiting 

We are all waiting for something. 

To be Thinner. 

To be Happier. 

To be Richer. 

To be More Fulfilled. 

What if one day, on our death beds, our bodies nearly paralyzed from old age, we were only waiting for death to come and take us. 

Would we look back on our lives and see that we never stopped waiting?

If only we had lost the weight, we’d have worn that bathing suit. The one hidden in the back of the drawer that we always told ourselves “next year”. 

If only we’d had more money we would’ve been more fulfilled, led a happier life. We made money, but it was never enough so that we were rich (or so we thought). 

And lying there in that bed, your body nothing like it used to be, a weaker version of the once strong counterpart, would you be glad that you had waited? That you were never enough to be enough. 

The bathing suit eventually got thrown away and never enjoyed the suns warm rays or the splash of cool water. While our children and husband played on the shore and swam in the deep, we sat in a chair on the sidelines, watching, wishing, waiting.

The job we had, finally ended in retirement. We had so many years clocked at a place that took up a huge portion of our lives but we never really enjoyed one day of it. We were too busy wishing for more, never really seeing how blessed we were to have this job in the first place. After all it provided us our homes, cars, food, clothes and so much more. 

Lying there in that dark hospital room, hearing the beeping of the monitors, the steady rhythm of our heartbeat, surely we will wish we had stopped waiting to participate in our life. We will weep, saddled with regret. Things like being thin enough to wear a bathing suit or having more money will seem so small and insignificant in the end. In the sum of life, we will know how little these things truly meant, but it will be much too late to fix it. 

Right now, before it is no longer an option to live without the restrictions of old age, you have two choices:

1. Keep waiting

2. Start living today

The one you choose will determine everything.

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Faith · God · Happiness · Life · love · Relationships · Religion · Words

Things I have learned

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Things I have learned in my 41 years on this earth:

Life is fleeting. It seems a day goes by in minutes, a week goes by in seconds and a year goes by in hours. Really try to enjoy each day. Fully. Be present. Be alive not just living. You only get this one pass and then it’s all over.

Give more than you take. It always feels so much better to give away than to take away. So give. Give your time to those you love and cherish and those who may need it. Give your kids attention. Truly get down on their level and interact with them. Be the parent you wish you had, had. Give your heart away. Fall in love. Give your hospitality. Invite friends over and cook them a meal. Open up your house and fill it with love and friendship.

Stop worrying about your body. You really are perfect exactly as you are. At the end of your life do you really want to regret all that you missed because you were so focused on YOU. Losing weight. Losing inches. Fitting into a pair of skinny jeans. Do you want all of your memories to be of you obsessing over what you looked like and what you wanted to look like? Do you want to regret not being more alive. More present with your spouse, your kids, your friends….your life. Stop! We are more than what we look like. We are so much more.

Eat the damn cake!!! Seriously. Don’t limit any food because it is ‘bad’ for you. Enjoy everything in moderation. This goes along with enjoying life. Food is yummy so eat it!

Don’t estimate your value by a number. How much you weigh, how many inches your hips are, how many calories you’ve eaten….this will never define you. Love your body, it is your home and will carry you places and be your greatest gift. Our bodies work hard for us every single day. They are a gift, a miracle and they should be treated as such.

Marry your best friend. Marry the one who you can’t live without. The one who makes your life fuller, better. Marriage is work but if you are with the right person, it will be worth it. How amazing to grow old with someone who knew you when you were young and who still sees you in your youth ❤

Have a pet (or two, or three). They are good for your soul. A dog will be the most loyal companion you’ve ever known and will show you how simple life can be. They need nothing, except your love and attention and food/water to be happy. That’s it. They will love you fiercely no matter what . Every time you come home, they will be there, waiting for you. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is 🙂 Cats….well, they are a different story, lol.

It’s okay to have a messy house. It just means that your home is lived in and cozy.

On that note, laundry. It’s totally normal to keep your clothes in the dryer and just press ‘start’ when you want to wear something and get the wrinkles out of it. Folding clothes is so overrated, lol.

Listen to music everyday. Really listen. Find favorite songs, put your headphones on and blast it. Bonus points if you dance. Music soothes every part of us and is good for the spirit. Music is therapy.

Get outside among nature and let the sun warm you. Take in the trees, the clouds, the sky. Go for a walk, ride your bike. Being outdoors is nature’s therapy and it is completely free. The fresh air will remove cobwebs from your mind and leave you feeling refreshed and energized.

You don’t have to be a great parent to be a good one. There is no such thing as perfect. It is a guarantee…you will mess up, you will yell too much, you will regret things but what matters is that you try your best each day. Raising kids is the hardest job in the entire world and there is no instruction book on how to get it right. As long as you love your children unconditionally and want the best for them you are a good parent.

Lastly, pray a lot. There is a doorway that is open for us to talk to God and tell him our intimate thoughts. Do not close it off. When you don’t know where to turn, turn to Him. He has all the answers. Sometimes they come instantly but more often than not they come gradually, and you will need to hold on to patience and show Him some grace. But trust me, they will come.

I am sure there are many more things I could share with you but these are the most relevant to me.  These lessons I’ve learned, as I’ve lived, have proven to get me through. I hope they offer a glint of knowledge to someone else.

What life lessons have you learned? I’d love to hear in the comments.

 

 

Body love · Faith · God · Happiness · Life · Religion · Words

Lord, what is my assignment today?

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As I stand looking in the mirror, glaring at a face that is so familiar to me, one I’ve seen a million times, I begin to pick myself apart.

This is a common thing for me, to stand before my own reflection and sift out all my imperfections.

Then something catches my eye and I turn to the corner of the brown framed mirror that hangs over my sink.

There I glance an image that I taped up just yesterday.

A reminder printed out on a small square piece of cardstock, so that every morning I can be reminded that I have more to give the world than how I look.

That my worth is not defined in the physical.

This note simply reads “Lord, what is my assignment today?”

Everything suddenly shifts and my perspective changes.

I have placed these words right where I know I will stand each morning and grumble about my shortcomings.

I am reminded that the Lord has a plan for me and it goes far beyond what I look like.

The Lord created me and I am his beautiful daughter.

He cherishes me and doesn’t see me as having flaws but as being human.

He didn’t create me to be perfect in body or perfect in any sense.

However, He did create me to fulfill a purpose. 

To go out into the world and do good and be a light to others. 

Everyday He gives me another chance and a whole lot of forgiveness and everyday he gives me his never-ending grace. 

It is time I give myself the same.

I am already perfect exactly as I am because I am made in His image.

When I glance back to the recognizable reflection in the mirror, I know for sure that my assignment today is to love myself and to trust Him and to truly know that I am more than my appearance. 

Now I challenge you to also ask “Lord, what is my assignment today?” and then turn away from looking outward and instead look within to find the answer.