The hubs and I went on what I call a ‘date night’ walk this evening. We needed some alone time, a quiet moment to breathe and just be together. We live out in the country where there are dirt roads and wide open spaces…The perfect place to get lost in God’s beauty. As we held hands (and I stopped to take a few pics) we talked about the crisis happening all around us right now, and as we talked we both felt all of our anxieties and worries lifting off of our shoulders. In this quiet world, where the future is unknown and all of our lives have been upended we decided this is the perfect time for us to press the reset button. I think God is giving us an opportunity to slow down, to look up and finally see what we have. I don’t know about you but I feel like this could be a time of great blessings. We are going to let this time, this worldly pause, reveal to us how we can be better, how we can do better and I hope our new normal will look nothing like the old one. Take it two ways, this time can either cause you stress and panic or it can be a time of paving a new road into a much needed change.
We were strangers.
And in all of the places we could be that night and of all of the times,
what were the odds that we should be in the exact place at the exact time?
Our eyes meeting, our hearts pounding, something inside of us stirring.
You smiled and I melted.
I didn’t know it at the time but my life would never be the same.
A handsome stranger would become the best part of my life.
You were strong and kind, mature beyond your years.
You were brave and fearless and I remember, when getting to know you, how much I envied the way you had lived your life.
Sixteen years later, I can still recall everything about that night, like it was yesterday.
Watching a boy, in a black leather jacket, steal my heart away with his infectious joy.
Looking at you now I see a man, your hair fallen away and parts turned silver.
I love you so much but we have grown so far apart.
The years have seen us through many ups and downs,
some crazy adventures and a lot of mistakes, but we are still here,
getting through this life as best we can.
As individuals and as a couple.
You are tired.
You have a sadness about you.
Your heart is like an anchor in your chest, a heaviness weighing you down.
Filled to overflowing with burdens and responsibilities.
The years have crept up on us, time has a way of doing that, doesn’t it?
One minute you are young, with the best days ahead of you and,
the next you are grown up with this full life, that sometimes just seems like a long list of to-do’s.
Loves grows from something wild and passionate to something steady and reasonable.
You pass each other in the hallway, never really seeing one another.
And as time goes by you once more return to being strangers.
The way things used to be, long forgotten.
God, I don’t want to be that far away from you.
Take my hand and let me help you remember who you used to be,
Who we used to be.
We are all waiting for something.
To be Thinner.
To be Happier.
To be Richer.
To be More Fulfilled.
What if one day, on our death beds, our bodies nearly paralyzed from old age, we were only waiting for death to come and take us.
Would we look back on our lives and see that we never stopped waiting?
If only we had lost the weight, we’d have worn that bathing suit. The one hidden in the back of the drawer that we always told ourselves “next year”.
If only we’d had more money we would’ve been more fulfilled, led a happier life. We made money, but it was never enough so that we were rich (or so we thought).
And lying there in that bed, your body nothing like it used to be, a weaker version of the once strong counterpart, would you be glad that you had waited? That you were never enough to be enough.
The bathing suit eventually got thrown away and never enjoyed the suns warm rays or the splash of cool water. While our children and husband played on the shore and swam in the deep, we sat in a chair on the sidelines, watching, wishing, waiting.
The job we had, finally ended in retirement. We had so many years clocked at a place that took up a huge portion of our lives but we never really enjoyed one day of it. We were too busy wishing for more, never really seeing how blessed we were to have this job in the first place. After all it provided us our homes, cars, food, clothes and so much more.
Lying there in that dark hospital room, hearing the beeping of the monitors, the steady rhythm of our heartbeat, surely we will wish we had stopped waiting to participate in our life. We will weep, saddled with regret. Things like being thin enough to wear a bathing suit or having more money will seem so small and insignificant in the end. In the sum of life, we will know how little these things truly meant, but it will be much too late to fix it.
Right now, before it is no longer an option to live without the restrictions of old age, you have two choices:
1. Keep waiting
2. Start living today
The one you choose will determine everything.
You are the ONE. MY one and only.
You loved me whole. I was broken when you found me. You picked up my broken pieces and put me back together again.
You saved me when you took my hand in yours and together we made a life. Two hands, two hearts intermingled forever.
You are my everything. My best friend. My companion. My lover.
Even after all of these years, my body gravitates towards you.
Like a magnet my heart is drawn toward yours.
You are my center. My true north.
I will always crave you.
I will always want you.
I will always need you.
I will always love you.
Much more than I ever expected.
Much more than I ever deserved.
The way you look at me. They way you see me. The person I am in your eyes.
The person you are in my eyes.
I love you.
Year after year. Month after month. Day after day.
My love only grows….fuller and deeper.
It is and it will always be YOU.
The ONE who holds my heart in this lifetime and beyond.