I walk you into your classroom and we find your desk.
You are nervous but also excited on this first day of school.
I prayed this morning that you would be okay as the bell rang and it was time for me to go.
I prayed that you would have a good time with your new teacher and your friends.
I asked God to watch over you and be there while I couldn’t.
Watching you sitting there, I can’t help but feel a tug on my heart.
Having you all to myself this summer, I was spoiled and my days will surely feel an absence without you in them as much,
but part of being a parent is letting go and letting grow.
I kiss you and give you a super big hug and we say goodbye for now.
I tell you that I can’t wait to see you later and hear all about your day and you give me that crooked smile.
I will sure miss you like crazy today but I hope you miss me less.
I hope you feel secure and happy.
I hope that you are so busy learning and coloring and playing that you sink into your day until it is time to go and you wonder how the day is already over.
Then you come home with immense joy and stories to tell and I can see it…
You are already excited to go back tomorrow.
They say silence is golden, and they are right.
Silence is calm. It’s an invited peace that I have been longing for.
This is the third day that all my boys have been in school and I have had the house to myself. This is the first year that all my boys have had school 5 days a week, all day long. My 4-year old is no longer the baby that stays home with mama but instead he is growing into a young boy that is now in Pre-K.
I worried that being at home sans kids would be lonely and that I’d miss having a child near me at all times. I do, but I also don’t. It’s been 13 years since I have had this type of quiet. I had my oldest son when I was 26, my middle son when I was 30 and my youngest little man when I was 35. Now I’m 40 and finding that I rather enjoy the solitude that comes with kids being away at school and a house to myself.
It’s a new stage for me, for sure. I’m figuring out, as I go, what my week will look like, what my schedule will entail. How being a stay at home mom (with no kids) will play out day after day. And you know what? I’m excited!
Through out the years our lives have many twists and turns and we find things to look forward to. Getting engaged and then planning the wedding, getting married. Deciding it’s time to have a baby and then finding out you are pregnant. The birth of your first child and then your second and third. Realizing that you are done having kids and just relishing your babies and how fast they are growing. All of a sudden you think that these exciting stages are over. You are married. You are done having kids. Said kids are no longer babies and are in school now. Most of your firsts are in the past, but are all of your new beginnings over? Or is a new beginning starting to form? I’ll say the latter.
I am older now. My kids are all in school. I now have time for me. Time to do things like write and go to the grocery store by myself. Time to reflect on things. Time to just go to the library and wander through the many aisles of books, in no hurry to leave. Time to figure out more about myself and who I am. Time to delve into God’s word a bit more and begin to understand more about Jesus’ life. Time to sit on the couch and just read a book with a warm cup of coffee in hand. Time to volunteer at my boys school and be that mom who bakes cupcakes for birthday parties. Time to get all my chores done and dinner prepared. Time. Lots and lots of time. Uninterrupted and quiet.
As I’m writing this, it’s what I hear. It’s new. It’s different. It will take some getting used to but I’m going to welcome it with open arms. I’m going to bask in it and I’m definitely going to cherish it. This golden silence.