Body love · body positivity · ditch the diet · Eating recovery · Food · Happiness · Life · Self confidence · Self-love · Words

A Revelation

As a woman, I am deeply influenced by the beauty standards set by our society. You know the ones? Perfect woman on magazine covers, Instagram, Facebook, on TV. Long, flawless legs, perfect skin void of any cellulite, wrinkles, scars, stretch marks. Just the right amount of cleavage and full lips. Long, gloriously thick hair cascading around their shoulders like a heavenly blanket. Then I look in the mirror and this is what I see: a woman with scars on her face from a bad breakout long ago, cellulite on my thighs, stretch marks on my stomach, small breasts, wrinkles, short, fine hair, basically I am a walking misrepresentation of all the woman I described above. So I tell myself that I am ugly, not enough, worthless, fat, gross. I begin to download calorie counting apps, making a plan to lose weight and look ‘perfect’. I think of ways that I can work out harder because obviously what I am doing isn’t working. My bulimia, that has been around for half of my life starts to rear her ugly head once again and promises me a way to control myself around all the ‘bad’ foods I eat. I go into a sort of tailspin, creating this new me in my head. How can I look more like these woman I see? 

This has been my life for far to long and I’m guessing I’m not alone. Everyday we are inundated with images of the ‘perfect’ woman. We feel ugly compared to her and so we punish ourselves with grueling workouts and extra healthy foods. We go on diet after diet in search of her. It is a devastating pattern that leaves us drained and depressed. I know because I have been there. I’m there now, actually. 

It’s time to change the meaning of health and beauty in our society starting now. Why do we have airbrushed woman in magazines? Why can’t we see the ‘real’ woman in the photos, her imperfections so to speak. These magazines are only reinforcing to us that we are not good enough because we have ‘flaws’, but are they really flaws if more woman than not have them? Are they really flaws if it is the norm? I think no!

Our bodies tell a story of pregnancy, adventures, risks taken, hard times, growth, pain, miracles. We don’t need to be hiding them away, we need to be celebrating them. As woman we need to band together and change this way of thinking that we aren’t enough.

Beauty comes in all shapes and sizes and that in and of itself is beautiful. Each one of us is unique in our own way. We can’t all be the same size or the same weight or the same height. How boring would that be anyhow? 

I believe in being healthy, finding workouts that you love, eating good foods that nourish you but I also believe in moderation because who the heck can go an entire lifetime not eating a cupcake or french fries or a crazy good cheeseburger?! Not me! 

Band with me today and lets give the middle finger to the diet industry.

Let’s rise up and stop trying to mold ourselves into someone else.

Let’s celebrate our bodies and find things we love about them.

Let’s enjoy a summer day on the beach with our families and not worry about what we look like in a bathing suit.

Because in the whole of it, does it really, truly matter? Looking back on our lives, if we are lucky enough to live to be old, will we be glad that we missed out on so much? Will we think it was worth it to spend our life worrying about what we weighed or how many calories we ate? Will we smile, thinking back about looking in the mirror at our then, younger bodies, and feeling unworthy? Nope. I think we will regret a lot. We will feel like we wasted so much precious time that we can never get back.

Today is not soon enough to begin to love yourself. Throw away your scale, delete the calorie counting apps, unfollow those workout ‘fitspo’ accounts. Doing this is a great place to start. I’m in. Are you? 

grief · Life · loss · Poetry · Self confidence · Self-love · Thoughts · Words

Most Days


Most days I’m sitting idle at the intersection of hope and despair.

Either it is all going to work out or I will completely fail.

There seems to be no gray area.

It’s all or nothing.

Most days I’m wishing away the moments, thinking about the way things could be, the way they should be.

Regretting the past and all the mistakes I can’t erase.

It seems I journey back to the days of long ago more than I plan for the days ahead.

Most days I feel like I’m running around in circles.

The same endless day happening over and over.

Rinse, wash, repeat.

Most days I’m just trying to get through the day without getting lost in time.

I wake up in the morning and it’s as though my day has been fast-forwarded to night’s darkness in the blink of an eye.

I long to feel truly alive and in the present.

To feel this sense of purpose that everyone talks about.

To have a purpose.

But most days, I’m just existing.

Breathing my way through another twenty-four hours.

Beauty · Faith · Happiness · Life · love · Poetry · Relationships · Self confidence · Self-love · Starting over · Words

The Becoming

As I watched the leaves falling to the ground, the breath of wind loosening them from their branches, I felt pieces of myself falling away as well. Things I needed to let go of. Things holding me back from reaching my full potential. In that moment as I sat and stared at the changing world and the dawn of a new season, not only was I witnessing the coming of Fall but also the becoming of ME.

autumn autumn leaves blur close up
Photo by Vali S. on
friends · grief · Happiness · Life · love · Poetry · Self confidence · Words

Rantings in a Coffee Shop

I’m that person in a busy coffee shop, sitting at the corner table for two that currently seats one. A blur in the lives of the people passing by, placing orders. No one really notices me since they are too busy with their own doings. I sit, listening quietly to conversations, a curious mind I tell myself. What do people talk about ? How are they friends and what qualities am I missing so that I am alone?


At times it’s satisfying to be by myself, a solo in a world of pairs. Other times I long for an ear, a friend who sits with me in coffee shops in the middle of a rainy afternoon, just to pass the time. We talk about simple things like the weather or our favorite T.V. shows and we laugh about things our kids said.

I sip my coffee, peering above the top of my plastic lid, enjoying the hot brew and the warmth of it in my cupped hands. But deep, deep down I’m cold and coffee doesn’t seem to ever warm me completely.

Happiness · Life · Minimalism · Self confidence

Becoming more by owning less.

I am not a hoarder by any means, in fact I am the exact opposite of a hoarder. I tend to throw things out too quickly. My husband has been known to holler at me once or twice because he left something out on the kitchen counter only to find it missing a few days later when he went back to claim it. Oops. What can I say? I absolutely hate clutter. If I had my way, my house would look like one on the pages of Better Homes & Gardens magazine, but with three boys running around I have come to face reality….that will never happen. So no, I am not a hoarder. Here’s where it gets weird though….walk into my closet. Seriously, it’s crazy full of clothes in there, like, overflowing with clothes. Or at least it was until last Friday. I owned so many t-shirts and blouses and tank tops and jeans…..some even still had price tags on them (and I didn’t just buy them). I decided it was time to purge. When was I ever going to be able to wear ALL those clothes. I normally have a few t-shirts and tops and pants that I cycle through each week but did I really need an extra 50 tops? NO!!! Here’s what I did, I went into the kitchen, grabbed a handful of trash bags and got to work. 

Step 1: I took EVERYTHING out of my closet. Shoes, purses, clothes, belts…..everything and laid it on my bed. (What a mess that was).

Step 2: I made 3 piles. Pile 1 was clothes I still wanted for sure, pile 2 was clothes I might want but wasn’t sure and pile 3 was clothes I definitely didn’t want (or need).

Step 3: I went back through piles 1 & 2 just to be sure of my decision.

Step 4: I immediately took my pile 2, my maybe’s, down to the basement so they were out of sight and I wasn’t tempted to move any into my yes pile.

Step 5: I hung up and organized all my pile 1, my yes pile. (Wow! I could actually see my closet floor).

Step 6: I put all of my pile 3, the clothes I no longer wanted, into the trash bags.

Step 7: I headed to a nearby store that buys clothes for a small price (I brought in 11 trash bags)!!!!!!!

I ended up making $315 on all my throw away clothes! What?! (small happy dance).

I had become so attached to my clothes over the years and I wasn’t sure how I was going to feel but you know what? I instantly felt lighter. I had literally gotten rid of half, if not more, of my wardrobe, and It felt great! 

Here’s my point….sometimes when we let things go that are of no use to us, we feel better. We make space for more important things. In my case, time. Having a more simplified wardrobe makes it easier for me to get dressed in the morning. Less clothes means less choices. It also means contentment. I’m on a journey to start being happy with what I do have and stop needing more. By cleaning out my closet, which was the one area of my life that was cluttered, I cleaned out my life. I simplified. I am not a hoarder but I was a shopper. Clothes gave me confidence. They determined how I felt. So I said goodbye. Goodbye to some THING giving my life meaning. I’m ready to find meaning in more……my kids, my husband, my writing, my love of yoga & books, my church. Life is so much happier this way, just simply happier <3. And I’m ready for that kind of life!