grief · Happiness · Life · loss · love · Poetry · Relationships · Starting over · Words

Letting go of what was supposed to be

He watches her from behind the noisy bar. He sits in the corner, a hidden figure among the crowded room and neon lights. She has no idea that his eyes are glaring at her. She has no idea that she’s being watched. He wonders “What would she do if she saw him? How would she respond to his presence?” A chill runs down his spine just thinking about it, a bit of nervousness. He could just get up and walk away, he isn’t trapped in this corner after all; but something keeps him glued there. No, not something, someone. Her. She could always captivate him and hold him hostage. Tonight is no different.

Watching her he remembers. The way her lips tasted. The smell of her skin. The feel of her hand in his. Her smile. Her voice, usually soft and sweet. Her anger – that he remembers the most clearly. Her tears. His pleas. Yelling. Two hearts breaking.

She laughs at something and it reminds him of a time not long ago, when her laughter was aimed at something he had said. He studies her. She’s now in awe of something HE is saying, the strange man that sits beside her at the bar, the man who has taken his place. He watches them.

She is stunningly beautiful in that naive sort of way. She could always look in the mirror and never see, who he saw. She had picked apart her flaws with a vengeance and as often as he had told her that she was perfect, she never seemed to believe him. Does this new man tell her she is perfect and beautiful too? Does she believe him?

He messed up. A few drinks at a lousy office party and in those few damn hours, he had ruined his life and his future, which used to be so defined. He had lost her over one too many downed glasses of that poisonous alcohol and a warm body that wasn’t hers. What was the matter with him? How could he have been so stupid?

Forgiveness is a tricky thing and even if you come clean and bleed your heart out, there’s  no guarantee that you will be forgiven. He was not. She was hurt and trust had been broken. It was over.

He is still in love with her. Will there ever come a time when he is not?

She is so familiar to him. He knows her heartbeat, it used to beat in sync with his own. He watches her. Someone that he can no longer have. A single tear streams down his face and he feels a deep, deep sorrow close to despair.

He rises from his corner, deciding that it’s time to leave, time to try to move on without her. With one last glance, he looks at her, his past. He turns his back and ,one foot in front of the other, he walks slowly into a new beginning, unaware that she is watching him as he leaves.

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